ual angry outbursts.
Keep a journal. Stop several times a day and jot down
what you’re feeling and why, McKee advises. “Am I angry
because that person just snapped at me and I feel my job is
on the line? Maybe it’s not because he hates you. It could be
he’s having a bad day,” she says.
Quiz yourself. In larger companies, executives may have
the opportunity to work with a coach who can help them to
recognize the emotions they are feeling and to use them in
“Sadness, anger and fear are signals to help us inform
our actions,” says Shawn Kent Hayashi, an executive coach,
a consultant and CEO of The Professional Development
Group in Center Valley, Pa.
She teaches clients questions to ask themselves to ana-
lyze their feelings. For example, a leader prone to lashing
out might ask questions such as: “What crossed my bound-
aries? Who do I need to talk to to clean up this situation?
Am I the one who didn’t meet my own standards?”
Dig beneath the surface because sometimes hidden emo-
tions are driving our behavior, Freedman says.
Pause and refect. Before reacting, take a deep breath
and think about what’s really going on with both you and
the other person. “That 20-second pause that engages your
thinking brain instead of your out-of-control emotional
brain is all it takes to be more efective,” McKee says.
Find an outlet. When you feel like exploding, let of
steam with a trusted friend instead. “It’s venting with a
purpose, venting with the intention of learning something,”
Psych yourself up. “Other people pick up on the
leader’s mood, so having a positive outlook and communicating with people can really pull a team along in
doing outstanding work,” says Geri Grossman, president of My Executive Coach in Buffalo, N.Y.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE COMPETENCIES
SELF-AWARENESS SOCIAL AWARENESS SELF-MANAGEMENT RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT
Emotionalself-awareness Empathy Positiveoutlook Inspirationalleadership
Organizationalawareness Achievementorientation Teamwork
Adaptability Coach and mentor
Practice. Replacing destructive habits with productive
ones takes a lot of time and efort. Realize that it won’t
4. Relationship Management
Use your new insights to inspire your workforce. Researchers have found that “outstanding leaders almost
continuously monitor the emotional climate in any setting
where they are,” Cherniss says.
They can walk into a room and lift people up. “They’re
very good in the way they interact with people, in the
way they express their own feelings and getting other
people to feel good even if the situation is a difcult one,”
he says. “They give them a sense of hope and commit-
ment to the goal.”
That’s true genius.
Dori Meinert is senior writer/editor of HR Magazine.
Source: Becoming a Resonant Leader (Harvard Business Review Press, 2008), by Annie McKee, Richard Boyatzis and Frances Johnston.
pause that engages
your thinking brain
instead of your out-
brain is all it takes to
be more effective.’